[for them]

i am a self-made thousandaire, earning my immodest living from:

writing and copy-editing.

i have 10+ years of professional writing and copy-editing experience. my recent clients include LGHSAdOomfColumbia University, and The Stevens Institute of Technology. 

i also write long-form narratives:

producing voice-over and music.

my voice is the most famous part of my body!


in addition to producing these albums, i also played on them!

i have an isolated recording booth with:

•  macbook pro 2015 laptop
•  akg c214 microphone
•  apogee duet audio interface
•  logic pro x software

hire me on:


goofing for "the man".

people pay me to be in their commercials and tv shows. seriously, see for yourself:


want this voluptuous beard to help sell your thing, contact my agent!