actor / writer / etc.

hi! i'm ted. i'm a brooklyn-based omni-threat. i specialize in comedy, interactive narratives and getting weird. if you're interested in my skills as a writer go here. if you'd like to see my work as a professional fool, then scroll on my friend:  


take a look around, and give me a shout if you have any questions.

btw, i made this for you.


you want more, i know you do:

what i've heard...

the chops of Bradley Cooper, the timing of Galifianakis, and the looks of a muppet-version of their lovechild.
— ted limpert
a natural-born storyteller. Aesop of the 21st century. he’ll write your next blockbuster and/or web copy.
— ted limpert

[for them]

i am a self-made thousandaire, earning my immodest living from:

writing and copy-editing.

i have 10+ years of professional writing and copy-editing experience. my recent clients include LGHSAdOomfColumbia University, and The Stevens Institute of Technology. 

i also write long-form narratives:

producing voice-over and music.

my voice is the most famous part of my body!


in addition to producing these albums, i also played on them!

i have an isolated recording booth with:

•  macbook pro 2015 laptop
•  akg c214 microphone
•  apogee duet audio interface
•  logic pro x software

hire me on:


goofing for "the man".

people pay me to be in their commercials and tv shows. seriously, see for yourself:


want this voluptuous beard to help sell your thing, contact my agent!

[for me]

when i'm not hustling for sweet cheddar, you can find me:

writing, producing, directing, and/or composing.

pictures are great and all, but give me a shout to ask me about my latest project.

making the hottest comedy on the internet.

my comedy group (BORT) made these vids, and the internet approves!

what's that? had enough?! sorry. there's more!

diddling my fiddle.

i write music. mostly for fun, but also to keep the existential dread from consuming me. lol!


contact me, before I contact you.

name *

commercial rep:
phil cassese // jerry kallarakkal
stewart talent

vo rep:
jason sasportas
stewart talent